Archive for the ‘physical stress’ Category

Keeping Kids Calm…

February 21, 2012

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I got an email today that made me feel the pain of all the people out there who care for little children.

Here’s what this loving grandma wrote:  “I am a grandmother of a 3 and 4 year old.  I have had my grandchildren for a year now due to them being placed in foster care.  In the year that I have had them, we have been in 3 daycares due to major behavior problems. (biting, hitting, cursing, etc)  I feel like I have tried everything.  Thank you for providing these pictures.  I just found you and I am hoping that they work.”


 

I wrote this to her:

“My heart goes out to you. Such a big job you have. My best advice, when there is so much conflict and tension expressed by them, is this:

  1. Try to slow the pace of everything down, and to keep a calm atmosphere when they are at home.
  2. Don’t let them have sugary drinks or sweets during the week since they cause hyperactivity.
  3. Make sure they DO get LOTS of exercise during the day to tire them out and allow them to have a good sleep at night.
  4. Give them plenty of water during the day (dehydration causes stress).
  5. Keep the TV OFF – it causes frustration.
  6. Play happy and relaxing music with positive messages to think about instead.
  7. Read books to them. It will make them better readers later on as they associate reading with the snuggly feeling of being near you while listening to you read to them.
  8. Above all, your good example and influence is the very best thing for them. Your loving nature and sweet disposition will be easier ‘caught’ than ‘taught’.
  9. I hope that the charts also help.

Did you download the customizable ones here? http://www.gomommygo.com/thankdontspank.html

They are great because there’s no need for yelling or fussing.

Just calmly state the facts,

“Oh – I see your shoes on the floor. Quick!  Put them away so you can get your good mark! I don’t want you to miss your treat on Saturday!”

That way you can be on their side and a cheer leader for their success.

Many thanks for doing the hard stuff!”


 

After sending this message to her I realized: These tips are good for everyone!

Keep up the great work out there with your kids everyone!

Love and Best,

Ruth

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What to do with the Terrible TWO’s!

August 12, 2011

Jeanette recently emailed me with a problem:

“I am really eager to use the chart for my 2 1/2 yr old. When my son is not able to do something for his own self he gets mad and throws the item (toy) Is there a a visual that can teach him not to throw his toys when frustrated and instead ask for help in a nice voice instead of screaming?”

Here is my answer:  So glad you contacted me, Jeanette.
Yes, there IS a visual to help him use words instead of screaming! It’s right here:
http://www.gomommygo.com/positive_behaviors.html#talkYes_Yell_NO
Boy talks, instead of yelling
2 Yr olds get frustrated when they can’t express their feelings, and that can certainly put us in a panic at times! I recently discovered through research that the brain of a 2 year old is developing faster than at any other time in his life. Here’s my full article about it it:

http://www.edudesigns.org/ToddlersBrainPower.html
Since they can’t always say what’s bothering them, or even have the mental agility yet to be able to figure it out themselves, your job is to evaluate the situation objectively to find out the source of their problem.

Is it Emotional? Is it Physical?

Anger is a secondary emotion. That means that it doesn’t appear first.  There’s always a hurt that happens first, and THEN the anger. People who don’t want to cry many times jump into anger in order to bypass the pain they feel.
If you are a working parent and don’t see every little thing that goes on with them during the day, it can be hard to figure out what’s wrong sometimes. Your child may feel hurt and rejected from being at the babysitters all day. It could be an emotional hurt from an experience they just had. Or exposure to something they saw on TV. Young kids are much more sensitive than we realize.

Sometimes it can be a physical issue that can trigger outbursts.

  1.  Are they tired? Physical stress can cause a person to lose control.
  2. Are they thirsty? Dehydration causes the body to react in stress.
  3. Are they hungry? Blood sugar changes can cause stress and anxiety.

Sometimes, sensing that my kids were hungry or tired or both, I would let them know I could see they were upset, and that they were going to have to calm down so we could get them what they need right away.  I would ask them in a calm voice something like this:  “I can see you’re really tired and hungry. Would you rather settle down now so I can help you, OR do you need a little time to quiet down in your room?”  Either way, they get a double message where the only choice given them is to settle down.

There are lots of great tips you can get on speaking with Toddlers from Chris Thompson, the guru of TODDLER-Whisperers everywhere!  His site is here: http://talkingtotoddlers.com/4-tips
I was so impressed with his free audio lesson that even though my kids are all grown up, I bought the whole course!
You’ve got to check him out.  Let me know what you think.
I really want to help in any way I can,  Jeanette. Please let me know if there’s anything else you can think of that might shed light on the problem.
Best,
Ruth
PS – Did you ask for the Free laminated behavior card on this page yet?
 http://www.gomommygo.com/portable_charts.html
Just let me know.
🙂 Ruth

Ruth Elliott, Director, Edu Designs
www.edudesigns.org
www.gomommygo.com
Helping parents and caregivers guide character development…EDU DESIGNS is dedicated “to produce and distribute multimedia materials for the education, motivation and character development of children”  Edu Designs is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. Donations are tax deductible as allowed by law.